2 Months Status: Midlife Crisis?
After my ramblings about happiness (and a bunch of other things) 2 weeks ago, I began asking myself “Is this a Midlife Crisis”?… It was something I already thought of fleetingly just around my leaving and had put it on the list of blog topics, but until 2 weeks ago, I had not really thought about it more…
Well, no more, and in true “Rasmus” style, I ended up analyzing a bunch of YouTube videos and webpages on the topic, trying to figure out if I was in that “state”.
Let’s start with the definition
A midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 40 to 60 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly lack of accomplishments in life. This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle, or feel the wish to change past decisions and events.
Sounds like “scary” stuff and It’s true that some studies show a decline in life satisfaction and happiness as people reach midlife. But it’s important to note that the drop in happiness isn’t always large. And, in some studies, people’s satisfaction with life seems to rise as they enter midlife and then decline as they enter their later years. So, for many people, “crisis” isn’t the appropriate term to describe their midlife experience. In studies, only about 10 to 20 percent of adults claim to have experienced a midlife crisis (way fever than I expected and what popular culture let us believe, but then again some might not wish to acknowledge it, so numbers might be higher)
Signs
Below are 29 signs of a midlife crisis and my personal analysis of them (Yes, I’m a nerd 🤓)
| Sign | Result | Analysis |
|---|---|---|
| Impulse behavior | ❌ | Not been on a buying spree (Sorry Red Porsche dealers) 😉 Not doing anything impulsive (and no, quitting my job was not impulsive, it was a decision that took years) |
| You have Regrets | ✅ ❌ | I do have regrets about the work/life balance, but beyond that, there is nothing to regret (a successful career beyond my dreams and a healthy economy), |
| Your Life suddenly has no meaning | ✅ | While not all the time, there are glimpses of this, and I ultimately let to the burnout, having almost only meh days. I was worse in the past but still not 100% back to feeling meaningful. |
| Things that used to give you purpose, don’t anymore | ✅ | Work certainly in the end felt like it gave very little purpose despite it of cause objectively did. |
| You feel a Sense of urgency | ❌ | I almost have the opposite feeling that all I wanted in life professionally have already happened, and I do not feel a need for family or children like most others might do. |
| You have Financial insecurities | ❌ | Being a partner in a company for 19 years with stock options certainly makes you privileged not to have these issues 🙏😇🍀 |
| You Feel you have to change everything | ✅ | Fitness and Mindfulness come to mind, though done similar Fitness “trips” in the past… But I certainly in a short period of time changed a ton of habits! |
| You are Feeling your own mortality | ❌ | No fears, No health issues other than knee pains from time to time… |
| You Argue with yourself | ✅ ❌ | I do that, but at the same time, if that is a sign, I’ve been having it for the last 20+ years 😉 |
| You are Growing jealous of others | ❌ | Nope… |
| You feel Easy things are now hard | ✅ | Definitely think that about Software Development, but other areas of life are about the same. |
| Past success doesn’t satisfy | ✅ | While I still love my baby project (B1 Usability Package), the same passion as before was just not there despite countless more opportunities. |
| You feel apathetic like everything is a waste of time | ✅ | It certainly happens |
| You don’t want to get out of bed | ✅ ❌ | Before leaving work at the end; Yes Now; No! |
| You have no real goals, and so you are drifting from day to day | ✅ ❌ | This one is a maybe… I have goals but I doubt myself if I’m ‘strong enough to see them through… Forfeling goals set, is so much easier in mind, than in real life. |
| You lack purpose, seeing little to look forward to and work towards | ✅ ❌ | The goals are worth looking forward to and working on, but it is just hard and lofty goals, that doubt creep in if they are worth pursuing (sort of lack of purpose) |
| You have decreasing hope that the future is going to be any better | ✅ | Previous success makes it feel unlikely that I am going to hit yet another lucky homerun… Acknowledge and trying to accept this helps, but ego sure puts up a fight… |
| You are considering making radical, uncharacteristic changes to your appearance | ❌ | Unless weight loss counts 😉 |
| You’re considering walking away from your past success | ✅ | Done that already by leaving work |
| You are more afraid than you used to be, and you tend to get defensive easily but have become less assertive | ❌ | Absolutely not |
| You wonder if you are going crazy – you don’t understand why you are thinking what you are thinking, and it is disturbing | ✅ ❌ | Not as such, everything is still evaluated, but I still give it a 50/50 here as the evaluation feels harder. |
| You may be still achieving things – ticking off projects – but it isn’t bringing you happiness | ✅ | Was certainly an issue before leaving, and still is to a lesser degree… But still in love with checkmarks ☑️☑️☑️😉 |
| You look back on the ‘good old days’ wishfully when you were physically fitter, more attractive, and had fewer responsibilities | ❌ | Never crossed my mind… |
| You are developing a new passion for extreme exercise, bodybuilding, or a new style | ✅ | Fitness Yes, but don’t expect me to sign up for any bodybuilding competitions 😉 |
| You feel like your time is all taken up by the demands of others and after all that, you have none left for what you want to do | ✅ ❌ | Before leaving Job consumed me, but that has happened last 20 years, but of cause after leaving there is plenty of me time. |
| Your sleep is poor. You resist going to bed, don’t get enough hours of sleep, and may have broken sleep as well | ✅ ❌ | Before leaving work at the end; Yes Now; No (Never had a better sleep routine) |
| You are looking up what old friends and old girlfriends are doing now | ❌ | Nope, Facebook is as underutilized as ever 😉 |
| People are noticing a growing (out of character) frequency of emotional outbursts, such as anger. | ✅ ❌ | Before leaving this was bubbling up at times more than usual, but that does not happen in the new day today; quite opposite! |
| Search for “midlife crises” on Google and YouTube | ✅ | Guilty as charged 😉 |
Summary
So with 20 checkmarks (✅) and 18 X (❌), it is not 100% set in stone, but my own belief is:
Yes, I’m having a midlife crisis
More specifically, I think this has been quietly brewing for a few years and topped this year (2022) a month or so before leaving my Job… I’m not naive to think that it “is over”, but I think the top (aka most negative stuff) is behind me… But of cause, only time can tell…
This is a Good thing!
Now you might be sitting reading this, thinking: “Oh, no, that’s sad… Poor Rasmus”…
Well, Don’t!… To me, I see this as a good thing, feeling much happier than I did 2-3 months ago… It was exactly the “kick” I needed (might be my body and mind telling me this), and also the best way to deal with it is to acknowledge it, accept it and talk about it with others (hence this post; heck the entire blog!)
Don’t see it as bad but instead embrace and explore it…
And there is still nothing to regret… Leaving was still the right thing to do (Imagine the opposite, with a slow building of anger, resentment, outbursts, and ruining past success)… Better quit while being on top, and start the second part of life… In my case Rasmus 2.0
So to others out there, don’t be afraid, concerned, or otherwise… This is a blessing in disguise for me at least, but the worst you can do is not talk about it and struggle on your own.
Be safe out there, and see you next week
