2 Months Status: Midlife Crisis?

After my ramblings about happiness (and a bunch of other things) 2 weeks ago, I began asking myself “Is this a Midlife Crisis”?… It was something I already thought of fleetingly just around my leaving and had put it on the list of blog topics, but until 2 weeks ago, I had not really thought about it more…

Well, no more, and in true “Rasmus” style, I ended up analyzing a bunch of YouTube videos and webpages on the topic, trying to figure out if I was in that “state”.

Let’s investigate…

Let’s start with the definition

midlife crisis is a transition of identity and self-confidence that can occur in middle-aged individuals, typically 40 to 60 years old. The phenomenon is described as a psychological crisis brought about by events that highlight a person’s growing age, inevitable mortality, and possibly lack of accomplishments in life. This may produce feelings of intense depression, remorse, and high levels of anxiety, or the desire to achieve youthfulness or make drastic changes to their current lifestyle, or feel the wish to change past decisions and events.

Sounds like “scary” stuff and It’s true that some studies show a decline in life satisfaction and happiness as people reach midlife. But it’s important to note that the drop in happiness isn’t always large. And, in some studies, people’s satisfaction with life seems to rise as they enter midlife and then decline as they enter their later years. So, for many people, “crisis” isn’t the appropriate term to describe their midlife experience. In studies, only about 10 to 20 percent of adults claim to have experienced a midlife crisis (way fever than I expected and what popular culture let us believe, but then again some might not wish to acknowledge it, so numbers might be higher)


Below are 29 signs of a midlife crisis and my personal analysis of them (Yes, I’m a nerd 🤓)

Impulse behavior
Not been on a buying spree (Sorry Red Porsche dealers) 😉

Not doing anything impulsive (and no, quitting my job was not impulsive, it was a decision that took years)
You have Regrets
I do have regrets about the work/life balance, but beyond that, there is nothing to regret (a successful career beyond my dreams and a healthy economy),
Your Life suddenly has no meaningWhile not all the time, there are glimpses of this, and I ultimately let to the burnout, having almost only meh days. I was worse in the past but still not 100% back to feeling meaningful.
Things that used to give you purpose, don’t anymoreWork certainly in the end felt like it gave very little purpose despite it of cause objectively did.
You feel a Sense of urgencyI almost have the opposite feeling that all I wanted in life professionally have already happened, and I do not feel a need for family or children like most others might do.
You have Financial insecuritiesBeing a partner in a company for 19 years with stock options certainly makes you privileged not to have these issues 🙏😇🍀
You Feel you have to change everythingFitness and Mindfulness come to mind, though done similar Fitness “trips” in the past… But I certainly in a short period of time changed a ton of habits!
You are Feeling your own mortalityNo fears, No health issues other than knee pains from time to time…
You Argue with yourself
I do that, but at the same time, if that is a sign, I’ve been having it for the last 20+ years 😉
You are Growing jealous of othersNope…
You feel Easy things are now hardDefinitely think that about Software Development, but other areas of life are about the same.
Past success doesn’t satisfyWhile I still love my baby project (B1 Usability Package), the same passion as before was just not there despite countless more opportunities.
You feel apathetic like everything is a waste of timeIt certainly happens
You don’t want to get out of bed
Before leaving work at the end; Yes
Now; No!
You have no real goals, and so you are drifting from day to day
This one is a maybe… I have goals but I doubt myself if I’m ‘strong enough to see them through… Forfeling goals set, is so much easier in mind, than in real life.
You lack purpose, seeing little to look forward to and work towards
The goals are worth looking forward to and working on, but it is just hard and lofty goals, that doubt creep in if they are worth pursuing (sort of lack of purpose)
You have decreasing hope that the future is going to be any betterPrevious success makes it feel unlikely that I am going to hit yet another lucky homerun… Acknowledge and trying to accept this helps, but ego sure puts up a fight…
You are considering making radical, uncharacteristic changes to your appearanceUnless weight loss counts 😉
You’re considering walking away from your past successDone that already by leaving work
You are more afraid than you used to be, and you tend to get defensive easily but have become less assertiveAbsolutely not
You wonder if you are going crazy – you don’t understand why you are thinking what you are thinking, and it is disturbing
Not as such, everything is still evaluated, but I still give it a 50/50 here as the evaluation feels harder.
You may be still achieving things – ticking off projects – but it isn’t bringing you happinessWas certainly an issue before leaving, and still is to a lesser degree… But still in love with checkmarks ☑️☑️☑️😉
You look back on the ‘good old days’ wishfully when you were physically fitter, more attractive, and had fewer responsibilitiesNever crossed my mind…
You are developing a new passion for extreme exercise, bodybuilding, or a new styleFitness Yes, but don’t expect me to sign up for any bodybuilding competitions 😉
You feel like your time is all taken up by the demands of others and after all that, you have none left for what you want to do
Before leaving Job consumed me, but that has happened last 20 years, but of cause after leaving there is plenty of me time.
Your sleep is poor. You resist going to bed, don’t get enough hours of sleep, and may have broken sleep as well
Before leaving work at the end; Yes
Now; No (Never had a better sleep routine)
You are looking up what old friends and old girlfriends are doing nowNope, Facebook is as underutilized as ever 😉
People are noticing a growing (out of character) frequency of emotional outbursts, such as anger.
Before leaving this was bubbling up at times more than usual, but that does not happen in the new day today; quite opposite!
Search for “midlife crises” on Google and YouTubeGuilty as charged 😉


So with 20 checkmarks (✅) and 18 X (❌), it is not 100% set in stone, but my own belief is:

Yes, I’m having a midlife crisis

More specifically, I think this has been quietly brewing for a few years and topped this year (2022) a month or so before leaving my Job… I’m not naive to think that it “is over”, but I think the top (aka most negative stuff) is behind me… But of cause, only time can tell…

This is a Good thing!

Now you might be sitting reading this, thinking: “Oh, no, that’s sad… Poor Rasmus”…

Well, Don’t!… To me, I see this as a good thing, feeling much happier than I did 2-3 months ago… It was exactly the “kick” I needed (might be my body and mind telling me this), and also the best way to deal with it is to acknowledge it, accept it and talk about it with others (hence this post; heck the entire blog!)

Don’t see it as bad but instead embrace and explore it…

And there is still nothing to regret… Leaving was still the right thing to do (Imagine the opposite, with a slow building of anger, resentment, outbursts, and ruining past success)… Better quit while being on top, and start the second part of life… In my case Rasmus 2.0

So to others out there, don’t be afraid, concerned, or otherwise… This is a blessing in disguise for me at least, but the worst you can do is not talk about it and struggle on your own.

Be safe out there, and see you next week

Week 7: Happiness?

Warning: This week’s post ended up being all over the place, so might not be too coherent, but the process of writing all the topics gave me too much to throw any of it away, but now you are warned 😉

Are Structure, Routine, and Ambition killing Happiness?

Above is an open question and not a conclusion, as I honestly don’t know, but lately, I’ve been reflecting on how I spend my time and why I spend it the way I do.

Those who know me, know I’ve always been very structured and leaving little to chance. In my previous job that was absolutely key as there was so much to do that it made me on the one hand successful, but on the other hand, slowly contributed to the burnout.

So when I left back in October and wanted to start anew, I knew that at the start I should experiment a lot and try new things and different ways to do them… I did that and while odd in the beginning it was liberating.

But slowly I got a handle on things and the new normal started to form (see Week 5 blog post for more), and with that came structure; perhaps a bit too much structure…

Hardest boss I ever had…

I’m now my own boss in everything, and this boss has an enormous ambition level!

  • Make an awesome Tower Defense Mobile Game and make it a success!
  • Become in you best shape of your life!
  • Do it all while being mindful to yourself and others!

So I do not have a “real” job anymore, but in the last few weeks, the structures and goals in place are resulting in me “working” all 7 days a week toward the above goal, and doing little more than the following every day

  • Morning Routine
    • Wake up @ 07:00
    • Meditate
    • Morning Run
  • Work (Unity Game Development)
  • Fitness
  • Evening Routine
    • Evening Walk
    • Meditation
    • Read
    • Sleep @ 22:00

I’m not saying that above is not nice and privileged that I can do this instead of work, but I’m unsure if this much structure is not killing spontaneity and true happiness???

As an example; even in my busy life before the change I saw TV series and Movies from time to time; something that has not happened in the last 1.5 months of freedom because there was “no time” on the schedule for it… (I am making it a bit black and white here; I have participated in entertainment, but just in a different way because “free time” and “work time” are so mixed up).

Looking back to my leaving announcement on LinkedIn I wrote this:

So I need to re-balance; I need to find the spark again; I need something that consumes me less…

Well, I for sure re-balanced something, and I am in pursuit of the new spark (Unity Game development is a good candidate for sure), but “the nature of me” might have thrown the balance scales off to something that is equally unbalanced, and consuming me too much…

What is happiness?

Yes, I know; All the above is 1st world problem, but it truly is a balance, and It is easy and privileged “not to work” but is it happiness?… what is happiness in general? If you google it you get this?

But my logical brain is not happy with that statement; So am I happy enough?; How to check? What is my happiness score and how do I compare to others (because of cause my ego wants to rank high)?…

This article is a good try at least to answer that and a recommended read, but being a subjective topic I will never get my “Score”.

My “worst-case scenario thinking” brain ruins everything!

I mentioned it in passings before, and people that know me best, know I have a severe case of “worst-case scenario thinking” and while I will explore this topic in a future blog post, I do believe at it is one of my great “enemies” in the pursuit of happiness, especially when it comes to social and relationship…

Peaked too early?

This one might be odd, but I sometimes “wish” I was in my 60s and soon to go on retirement, as I could look back on what I have accomplished (success, money), and now start my retirement “happy” that I would be done “performing”… But I’m not in my 60s, I’m in my 40s and there are 20 more years till I should think this way, and I find it scary that I need to come up with 20 years more of “brilliance” (yes; the ego sure does not find average good enough!) of contributions to some community like I did in the SAP Business One community… I try to convince myself that this is not that important, but in weak moments fail to do so.

Week 47 Experiment: A week without plans!

So I started this post with a question: “Are Structure, Routine, and Ambition killing Happiness?“, and to “find out”, I’m going to try and leave structure, routine, and ambition behind (as much as possible) for the week 47, and instead try and live these days on pure desire and “wish” instead of need on everything, and see where that takes me… Gonna be interesting to see if that is possible and where it will lead me to…

Appendix: Here are the new and previous goal results

Week 6: AMA

Hi all, not much to share from last week, other than plan described last week are being followed and Weekly goals are being met (except for weight goal, where I’m stuck again and need to research why that is as I think I’m doing all the right things)…

Because not too much to talk about this week, I’ve decided that this post would be an AMA (Ask me Anything), so if you have a question to the blog, the journey or me, please ask them in the comments below (or ask them on LinkedIn)… Don’t be shy 😀

Disclaimer: I will not answer questions on behalf of Boyum IT Solutions, as it is not my right to do so

Appendix: Here are the new and previous goal results